I think I've felt uncomfortable living in my white culture, not because I'm making up issues that don't exist, but because I feel guilty about how much of my existence is affected by racism. I was thinking that if I came from a more liberal space – if my parents, siblings, family, friends hadn't committed microaggressions – then that would diminish my participation in and benefits from the systemic racism of this country, maybe it would help me understand terms with the fact that I could never be Eric Garner or Trayvon Martin or Sandra Bland. Cops inevitably trust me. I can do most things without suspicion. But I'm realizing that this is not, and never will be, true, no matter who I'm friends with. I guess I have to fully accept that my white culture will always be informed by racism, that I am inherently racist, and that this guilt I feel is part of my privilege. I have the privilege of feeling guilty for all the things I have, for how my society values ​​my life compared to POC, while for POC it is always evident even when I am young. For POC, microaggressions and systemic racism are always a force in their lives; they always know it's there. I must have the privilege of not only feeling bad for not experiencing these things, but also of not even having to see them. I don't know what to do with this guilt; I just know that I've finally figured out where it is